Chapter 1

Raphael never would have admitted that had strong feelings for his brother. At first he had confused those feeling for hate. Leonardo was an annoying, overbearing, pompous, pain in the ass but there was something about him that drew Raph in. 
He knew it wasn’t right to have those kinds of feelings for his brother so he did his best to hide them. Unfortunately, his method of hiding his feelings was through anger and pushing the object of his desire away. It was easier that way. If Leonardo, or worse Master Splinter, ever found out the way he really felt there was no telling what kind of punishment would be dealt. 
He thought that he would eventually get over it but over the years his desires only grew stronger. So much so, that he started to have fantasies about Leo. In an attempt to quell them, Raph started drinking. It didn’t entirely help but that didn’t make him stop.
Unfortunately, getting drunk wasn’t always an option. It wasn’t like they were able to go to the store and pick up some beer. So, when his desires were high and he had nothing to drink, Raph would simply leave and go for a run, in hopes of coming across a crook so that he could beat out his frustrations on their faces. 
One night, when his desires were almost overwhelming, Raph was out for a walk when he happened upon a full twenty-four case of beer. He had no idea how it got there, some drunk probably left it, but he wasn’t about to turn down free beer. Grabbing the case, Raph headed back to the lair. He was going to quell the burning desire with a few cans and maybe get some sleep. 
He returned home to find Fearless Leader waiting up for him. The two brothers glared at each other as soon as their eyes met. Without a word, Raphael turned to head to his room. He didn’t want to deal with his brother’s nagging. It was the same old lecture every time anyway, he knew it by heart.
“Father worries every time you go out alone,” Leo said. Always the same. 
“So you’ve told me,” Raph replied, continuing on his way to his room. 
“What’s that?” Leo asked, following Raph. Why couldn’t he just let things go. Raph was in no condition to be around his brother. 
Trying to cover up his nerves, Raph heaved a sigh and rolled his eyes. “Beer.”
“Where did you get it,” Leo persisted. 
“Found it,” Raph answered. He entered his room and turned to close the door but Leo wouldn’t let him. 
“You don’t plan on drinking the whole thing in one night, do you?”
Raph looked down at the case and then back up at Leo in disbelief. Shaking his head, he answered, “No. This will last me the week. I like to drink to get buzzed, take the edge off not… get so shit faced that I might die, drunk.”
“Good,” Leo said, crossing his arms over his plastron. He was such a pompous ass and Raph wanted desperately to kiss him. “Personally, I don’t think you should be drinking more than one, if any at all.”
Raph snorted out a laugh. “One would have no effect on me. You, on the other hand….” Raph grinned at his brother as he placed the case of beer on the ground. “Now, if you don’t mind…,” he gestured towards the door, “I would like to drink a few beers and relax.”
Leo’s eyes narrowed. “What? You think I would be drunk after the first can?”
Raph’s grin widened as he poked Leo in the chest. “You’d be slurring your words after half a can. You’re a light weight.”
“I’m not much smaller than you,” Leo argued. “I would be able to drink as much as you with the same effect.” 
Raph scoffed. “Maybe, but you wouldn’t. You’re too much of a goodie goodie to even try. Too afraid of what Splinter might say. Why don’t you go to bed before daddy catches you up past your bed time.”
Lifting his chin in defiance, Leo looked down at Raph. “I will drink the same number of beers as you and you’ll see that I can handle it.”
“Oh it’s on,” Raph sneered and then turned to open the case. He retrieved two beers and handed Leo one of them. “Drink up, Splinter Jr.” 
Leo looked hesitantly down at the can before he popped the tab and took a sip. His face bunched up as he pulled the can away. “This tastes awful.”
“You get used to it. Besides, you drink it for the effect, not the flavor,” Raph said with a shrug, smiling as he took a sip. Since it had been outside in the frigid temperatures, the beer was cold, making it easier to drink. “You don’t have to drink it.”
“I’ll drink it,” Leo said defiantly, looking down at the can. As he took another sip, he took a seat on the bed. Raph sat down next to him and started to gulp his beer down. Not wanting to be outdone, Leonardo started to do the same. They finished their first can in no time at all. Leo stifled a cough. “You always drink this fast?”
“Yes,” Raph answered. It was a lie. It was only because Leo was there that Raphael was drinking so fast. He wanted Fearless to admit defeat not match him gulp for gulp. What was Leo doing? This wasn’t like him. 
He picked up two more beers and handed one to Leo. “You wanna quit?”
Leo looked at the beer in Raph’s hand and sighed before reaching up to take it. “I’m not gonna quit.”
It struck Raph as odd, the way Leo had said that he wasn’t going to quit. Why was he so determined to continue? He was never one to fall to peer pressure before. One thing was for sure, Raph wasn’t going to be the one to back down. 
By the end of the second beer, Raph was sure Leo was up to something. There was a look of resigned determination in those grey eyes of his. 
Raph’s head was swimming by the time he finished his third beer. From the slight sway in Leo’s movements, Raph could tell that he was feeling the same. “Why did you do this?” Raph asked as he collected the cans. 
“Because,” Leo replied with a shrug, his speech a little slurred. “I had to. I don’t know why but you’re always pushing me away. I keep trying to work things out with you but nothing… works, you’re always mad at me. If I have to drink with you for you to be willing to spend time with me then that’s what I’ll do.”
He looked up and the pain in his eyes made Raph’s heart ache. “I don’t know why you hate me,” Leo said. “You get along with the others. What am I doing wrong? It’s not because I’m the leader. I heard you telling Donny that you now realize that I’m better suited for it. I’m not too bossy. I ask your opinion before making a decision. I don’t get it. I want us to be close. What do I have to do?”
With shaky hands, Raph placed the cans off to the side. His heart hammered in his chest. He didn’t know what to do. Leo being hurt was not something he had intended on doing. “I don’t hate you,” he admitted. 
“Then why do you push me away?” Leo asked. 
“I don’t know,” Raph lied, eyes turned away from his brother. 
Leo looked at him in disbelief. “You don’t know?”
“That’s right,” Raph snapped back. 
Exasperated, Leo sighed. “How can you not know? You’re the one who is inexplicably mad. If there is no reason, then why do you do it? Why are you always giving me a hard time?”
“It… it’s complicated,” Raph replied, feeling flustered. 
“Complicated?” Leo glared at him, his voice rising a little. “What is so complicated?”
“It’s because I love you,” Raph blurted out in frustration, not knowing where the words came from as he said them and wishing he could take them back. He couldn’t look at Leo. Why hadn’t he kicked Leo out in the first place? Why did he drink with him?
When Raph did look up he could see that Leo’s mouth was agape. “What?” Leo choked out. 
Raph’s eyes burned with tears and he had to once again look away from Leo. He figured that he might as well come clean, tell Leo the truth and get it over with, and face whatever punishment would happen next. “All I want is to be close to you. I push you away because I know it’s wrong to feel this way.”
Leo’s breath caught in his throat. He had to take a few quick breaths and swallow hard before he was able to speak. “I….”
Raph interrupted, “You know now that it’s nothing you’ve done wrong. It’s me.” Turning his back to his brother, he tried to hide the tears that were streaming down his cheeks. Maybe if he was lucky, Leo wouldn’t tell anyone and just keep his distance from now on. “Do whatever you want with the information. Just go.”
“I love you too,” Leo said softly as he gently touched Raph’s arm, causing Raph’s heart to flutter. He couldn’t be hearing Leo right. Leo was drunk or misunderstood, he probably thought Raph meant brotherly love. But then, Leo leaned against Raph’s carapace. “That’s why it bothered me so much that you kept pushing me away. All I ever wanted was to be close to you.”
Slowly, Leo’s traced his fingers down Raph’s arm to his hand. Raph struggled to find reason to fight this but he couldn’t. In all honesty, he didn’t want to. This was something he wanted to happen. He turned so that he was once again facing Leo. There was a soft smile on his brother’s lips. Those soft, tempting lips that Raphael wanted to taste.
Leaning in Raph captured Leo’s lips. It was awkward due to the alcohol and the fact that it was their first kiss. Neither of them knew what they were doing. They both chuckled nervously whenever their teeth collided but they kept at it until they figured it out.
It felt amazing to finally be able to kiss but Raphael’s body demanded more. He wanted everything Leo had to offer. Guiding their movements as they shifted positions, Raphael made sure he was on top with Leo lying underneath him. 
Raphael had expected Leo to put up a fight but there was no grappling for position. Leo moved into position, with no complaint at all as Raphael settled on top of him. 
In their new position, Raph was able to rub their lower plastrons together. Leo gasped out in surprise and his hands came up to grip Raph’s biceps. But he didn’t push Raph away, lifting his hips instead to entice Raph to do it again. Raph was more than happy to comply. 
It didn’t take much before the two inexperienced teens were both too aroused to keep their penises tucked away. The slits in their lower plastrons parted and their engorged flesh fell free from their confinement. 
There was a voice in the back of Raph’s mind that told him to slow down. It was drowned out by the screaming need of his body. 
Breaking from the kiss, Raph left a trail of kisses as he made his way down Leo’s plastron. Leo gasped, his fingers clutching the sheets as Raph neared his penis. The heavy musk of his arousal penetrated Raph’s senses, further fanning the flames of his desire. 
Raph ghosted his lips over Leo’s shaft and it twitched in anticipation. When he brushed his tongue over Leo’s tip, Leo reacted by throwing his head back, letting out a deep moan. One more lick had Leo crying out. His penis throbbed as a milky stream shot onto his plastron. 
“I’m sorry,” Leo gasped, looking down at Raph. “I just….”
“It’s okay,” Raph reassured him with an awkward smile. Though he was a little disappointed, Raph wasn’t going to let it show. He didn’t want to upset Leo and risk having this all come to an end. “It’s not like we are limited to one a day.” Lowering his head back down, Raph took Leo’s wilting member into his mouth and started to suck. It didn’t take much to work it back up to a full erection. 
While he sucked, Raph prepared himself, dipping his fingers deep into himself as far as they could go. He wanted to feel Leo inside of him and he wasn’t going to be satisfied until it happened. 
Part of Raph worried that he was taking advantage of Leo in an inebriated state. At the same time, he didn’t want to let the opportunity to fulfill his greatest desire pass. Desire overruled his moral sense. 
Raph sat up, straddling Leo’s hips. He reached down between them, lining Leo’s tip up with his opening. Leo’s eyes widened in surprise when he realized what was going on. Placing his hands on Raph’s thighs, Leo struggled to keep his breathing steady as Raph lowered himself. “Oh wow.”
Raphael paused and their eyes locked for a moment. He could see his own sense of fear, desire, and disbelief reflected back at him in Leo’s eyes. This was really happening. 
Leo watched in amazement as he entered Raph’s body. His breath hitched as he struggled to maintain control. “How are you so wet?”
“Does it matter?” Raph rocked his hips, relishing the feeling of finally having Leo inside of him. “I prepped myself while I sucked your cock.”
“Oh,” Leo gasped. Anything else he wanted to say was choked off by a deep churr. 
Raph watched Leo’s face as he rode him. He wanted to remember the way it looked, just in case it all blew up in his face in the morning. 
Leo bit his bottom lip and shook his head. “I’m not gonna last long.”
“Cum in me, Leo,” Raph gasped. 
“I don’t think I have a choice,” Leo replied, groaning. His fingers dug into Raph’s thighs as his head rolled back. Leo bucked his hips, slamming into Raph. Legs shaking, Leo grunted and churred as his orgasm struck. 
Raph let out a deep moan as a wave of pleasure wash over his body. He could feel the pulsating beat of Leo’s cock against his inner wall as he was filled with warmth and a sense of fulfillment. 
Leo’s movements slowed and then stopped. Looking up, Leo grabbed hold of Raph’s penis. “You haven’t finished yet.”
Raph looked down at himself. He had thoroughly enjoyed himself and had believed he had reached an orgasm so he was a little surprised to see that his penis was still erect. 
Leo moved his hand over the heated flesh and Raph bucked his hips in response, seeking release. As Raph moved up Leo’s torso, Leo’s penis fell free. His expelled juices dripped from Raph’s opening, leaving a trail as Raph moved.
Once Raph was close enough, Leo lifted his head to suck on Raph’s tip. The wet warmth of Leo’s mouth soon had Raph churring. Every swipe of Leo’s tongue brought him closer to completion. Each wave of pleasure more intense than the last until he reached his peak. 
Now that they were both fully satisfied, they settled into bed and curled up around each other, both with goofy grins on their faces. Despite the euphoric high that had come with such a glorious release, Raph still felt a little pang of apprehension. “You’re not gonna regret this in the morning, are you?”
“You’re the one who was pushing me away, remember?” Leo replied, looking Raph in the eyes. “I’m afraid that you’re going to use the alcohol as an excuse and tomorrow morning we will be right back where we were.”
“I’ve wanted to be with you for so long,” Raph said as he lightly traced his fingers down Leo’s cheek. “Now that I’ve got you, there is no way I am pushing you away again.”
A sleepy grin spread across Leo’s face. “Good.”
They shared one last, soft kiss before drifting off to sleep. 
…..
Raphael stretched as he woke and soon noticed that he was not alone. In an instant, the events of the night before all came rushing back to him, causing him to wake all at once. Heart pounding, he slowly sat up to face Leo who was sitting at the foot of the bed, watching Raph sleep.
“You’re still here,” Raph said. 
Leo offered a soft smile. “You’re not screaming at me to get out.”
Feeling himself blush, Raph looked away. “I don’t want you to leave.” For a moment, he allowed himself to be happy but then he turned away from Leo, draping his legs over the side of the bed as he took a hard, long look at the floor. “But you should probably go.”
“Why?” The pain in Leo’s voice cut into Raph causing him to cringe a little.
Raph struggled with the desire to turn back around and pull his brother to him. He decided instead to look at the clock. It was late in the morning by their standards. So late, in fact, that he was surprised that no one had come looking for them yet. “We’re gonna be in trouble for being late. We should probably come up with something to tell the others.” 
“We’re not in trouble,” Leo stated. “And, I’ve already told father.”
Raph sighed and chuckled. Of course. He was not surprised that Leo had gotten up early to tell Splinter. Not sure how he felt about that, Raph grappled with a flood of mixed emotions. After a brief battle, Raph settled on simply resigning himself to the fact. “What did he say?”
“He gave us the morning off,” Leo replied. “He wants us to work this out.”
Raph looked over his shoulder, back at Leo in disbelief. “Is he really okay with this?”
Leo smiled and nodded. “He is. We discussed it at length. At first he wasn’t sure but after a while, he told me that he would be okay with it. He wants us to be happy. He has his concerns, but he’s not going to come between us. There are rules, however.”
Feeling a little more relaxed, Raph flopped back on the bed and looked up at Leo. “Okay…. Let’s work this out.” The knee closest to Leo was bent while the other leg was still draped over the edge of the bed, leaving his legs parted and his tail exposed. 
Leo rested his hand on Raph’s knee and looked him in the eyes. “So… is it safe to assume you are okay with what happened last night?” When Raph nodded his head, Leo smiled. “Me too.”
As an awkward silence fell between them, Raph lazily traced his finger down the center line of Leo’s plastron, stopping short of his slit before moving his finger up again. He could hear Leo’s breath hitch and felt the muscles tighten. 
“We’re supposed to be talking,” Leo said, his fingers dipping down the inside of Raph’s thigh. 
“Then talk,” Raph said as he traced his finger a little lower, causing Leo’s lower plastron to swell. 
With a deep moan, Leo reached down to tease the entrance hidden under Raph’s tail. “Does this mean that the fighting between us is going to end?” 
Raphael chuckled and slid his finger along Leo’s parting slit. “I'm still gonna argue with you. That's my job. Who else is gonna make you question your decisions and challenge you to make better ones? Someone's gotta keep you in check.”
“I can handle the arguing,” Leo said. His chest was heaving as he fought to maintain control. “But I hope that this means things will be better between us.”
The building pressure behind Raph’s plastron was becoming too much to contain. Knowing someone had to go first, Raph let his erection loose. “I no longer have a reason to push you away. So, yeah, things will be better between us.” 
“Good.” Leo dipped his fingers into Raph’s needy hole. “You know that I won't be able to show you favoritism when we're out on patrol.” 
Raph moaned and bit his bottom lip as his body reacted favorably to Leo’s finger. “Is that one of Splinter’s rules?”
“He didn't have to tell me that one,” Leo stated. He was moving his finger in and out of Raph but still managed to keep his own penis tucked way. “It's a given. I cannot let my feelings for you interfere with my abilities to lead.” 
“Fair enough,” Raph grunted out before his inner walls started to pulsate. 
Leo looked down at him in confusion. “You didn't cum. Was that not an orgasm?” 
“I don't know,” Raph panted. “It felt good though.” Pressing hard against Leo’s budge, Raph looked up into his eyes. “D’you know what would feel better than your finger and definitely give me an orgasm?” 
“What could that be?” Leo husked as a smile overtook his face. 
“Your cock,” Raph replied flatly, squeezing Leo’s groin, “in my ass. Let it out and fuck me.” 
“Since you asked so nicely….” Leo moved over Raph and settled between his legs, leaning forward to capture Raph’s lips as he pressed inside. Moaning softly, Leo broke the kiss. “How are you so wet?”
“Must be left over from last night,” Raph answered, looking down between them. He wanted to see Leo inside of him. He wanted to watch it as it slid in and out until Leo finished. Part of him still couldn’t believe that this was happening. 
As Raph lifted up to get a better view, Leo shifted his position to accommodate. Once they were settled, Leo started to thrust. Raph ran his bottom lip through his teeth as he watched Leo move inside of him, the view adding to his arousal. 
Leo churred and increased his pacing, his already solid shaft hardening further. “I’m close. Are you almost there?”
“Cum inside me,” Raph rasped out as he reached up to pump his cock. 
Leo looked up at Raph. “What?”
“I’ll get off when you cum inside me,” Raph said. “I think it’s hot.”
“Okay,” Leo panted, a little unsure and then he let himself go. With a deep grunt and a few staggering thrusts, Leo finished inside of Raph. 
He could feel Leo pulsating inside him and it was enough to tip Raph over the edge. He threw his head back as every muscle tensed and his hot seed shot out over his plastron. 
“Wow,” Leo breathed before flopping down on the bed. “I don't think I will be getting tired of that anytime soon.” 
“Oh yeah,” Raph agreed, carefully tucking himself away. “We can do this anytime you want.” 
The moment Raph turned his head to look at Leo, he was met with a tender kiss. “Part of me is afraid to leave the bed,” Leo admitted. 
“Why's that?” Raph asked. 
Leo nuzzled against Raph. “I don't want this to end.” 
“This ain't ending,” Raph reassured him. “But, yeah, I get what you mean. I'm not looking forward to facing everyone.” 
“We have to tell them,” Leo said. “This would be impossible to keep from them. We don't have any secrets, not for long anyway.” 
“I know,” Raph said. “But they don't need to know the details.”
Leo smiled at his mate. “I wouldn't dream of telling them the details. You're right. It is none of their business.” 
They snuggled in silence for a while, basking in the blissful joy of the moment. It was a moment Raph was in no hurry to end. It was not often that he felt such peace, especially with his brother. 
He would have been content staying in bed all day but it wasn't long before his stomach started to make itself known. One more glance at the clock told him that breakfast was long past and lunch time was quickly approaching. 
“We should get up,” Leo said as if he could hear Raph's hunger. “By the time we’re done showering, lunch should be done.”
“Alright,” Raph said as he reluctantly got out of bed. “I’ll check to make sure the way to the bathroom is clear.” His hand met the sticky remains of their encounter as it slid up his plastron. He stopped mid stride, pulling his hand away in disgust, and looked down between his legs as he felt Leo’s fluid running down his inner thighs. 
With an exasperated sigh, Raph continued on his way to the door. “I don’t want anyone seeing me like this,” he said as he cracked the door open just as Mikey was walking past.
The youngest brother paused mid stride and curled his nose. “You guys reek of sex.” He quickly looked Raph over and then added, “The bathroom is free,” before continuing on his way. “Oh and thank you for being the reason Splinter canceled training this morning. And, just so you know, the rooms aren’t sound proof. I could hear you two going at it. Keep that in mind in the future.”
Raph stood, gripping the knob in stunned silence as Mikey continued to casually walk down the hall. Leo appeared at his side and gently coaxed Raph to release his vice like grip from the knob. “We knew this wasn’t going to be kept a secret.”
“I’m never gonna hear the end of this,” Raph said, his voice tout. 
“Maybe,” Leo said leaning close to Raph. “But you know he only does it to get a reaction out of you. If you don’t react he will stop.”
Throwing open the door Raph pulled away from Leo and headed towards the bathroom. “That’s easy for you to say. You’re always in control. And you weren’t the one with cum dripping between your legs.”
“Raph,” Leo pleaded, following him towards the bathroom. “I’m sorry, Mikey seeing you was upsetting but please, don’t blame me.”
As soon as Raph reached the bathroom he slammed the door behind him, locking Leo out.

Chapter 2
Discovery

 
Per usual, Raphael didn’t stay mad for long. The warmth of the shower seemed to help wash away the anger along with the remanence of his coupling with Leo. When he was done, he toweled himself off and headed down for lunch. 

He passed Splinter on the way to the kitchen. His father was sitting on the sofa, engrossed in the midday news and sipping his tea. In the kitchen, Leo and Donny were already seated at the table with bowls of soup on front of them. Donny was reading something on a tablet while Leo was reading the newspaper. Michelangelo was up, putting his bowl in the sink. A large smile spread across his face as Raph entered. 

Mikey barely had a chance to make any kind of remark, managing a few words before Raph hit him hard on the shoulder, silencing him. 

“Don’t,” Raph warned him.

“Raph!” Leo shouted in frustration. “I had already talked to him.”

Donny hadn’t bothered to look up from what he was reading, sipping his tea while he let the argument pan out. He knew better than to get involved. 

Raph turned on Leo. “What the hell, Leo? I can take care of myself. I don’t need you running interference.”

“Ow,” Mikey whimpered over their argument, grabbing his arm while flexing his hand. “Did you have to hit me so hard? My whole arm went numb.”

“Obviously, I do,” Leo argued, gesturing to Mikey. 

“I’ll do much worse if you make any more smart-ass remarks about me and Leo,” Raph growled as he turned his attention back to Mikey. “It’s none of your fucking business.” He hated that he was resorting to handling the situation this way. Deep down he wished that he could simply talk things out but his anger got the better of him and he lashed out. Once he got started, it was hard to stop.

“You need to lighten up,” Mikey complained as he turned to grab a bowl, his arm obviously stiff. “I wasn’t gonna say anything about it. I was gonna ask you if you were hungry.” He dished out some soup and handed it to Raph. “I’m glad you and Leo are together, by the way, though I can’t for the life of me figure out why. Don’t worry. I won’t say anything more about it.”

Raph took the bowl from Mikey and sat at the table to sulk in silence. Mikey’s words had struck a chord. He had no idea what Leo saw in him either and was expecting him to call the whole thing off at any moment.

The remainder of the day, Mikey kept his distance from Raph. A visible welt had formed where Raph had hit him, causing a wave of regret washed over him. He hadn’t intended on hitting Mikey that hard but he was too prideful to apologies for it. Why did his temper have to get the better of him?

At the dinner table, Mikey sat away from Raph and avoided having any form of conversation with him. It wasn’t like Raph was making any effort either, it was his fault after all. He knew that all he had to do was give it time and Mikey would come around and act like nothing had ever happened. 

Fortunately, his orange banded brother wasn’t one to hold a grudge for long. It would devastate Raph if he ever lost Mikey’s friendship. It was one of his greatest fears that he would one day go too far for even Mikey to forgive him. 

That night, Raph stepped in front of the open doorway of Leo’s room, stopping just short of the threshold. “Can I come in?”

Leonardo was getting ready for bed, meticulously putting his gear away so that it would be ready to be put back on in a moment’s notice. His weapons sat nearby, always accessible even when he slept. Ever vigilant. Raph had no idea how Leo wasn’t dead from stress.  

Leo looked up and nodded. “Yeah.”

Stepping into the room, Raph closed and locked the door. “Can I stay the whole night?”

“Is this how it’s gonna be?” Leo sat down on the bed. “You and I are together in the night only?”

“Isn’t that pretty much how Splinter said it had to be?” Raph argued, making his way across the room. “We’re not allowed to be open with our relationship in front of the others. No P.D.A.”

“That doesn’t mean we have to be distant with each other,” Leo pointed out. Scooting over, Leo patted the bed next to him, inviting Raph to join him. “You’re allowed to spend time with me. We just can’t spend our free time making out on the sofa.”

“Yeah, okay,” Raph mumbled as he sat down. “I’ll do better.” He honestly had no issue with the no personal display of affection rule. Raph’s biggest issue was that when he did spend time with Leo, all the knowing looks he was going to receive from his brothers. There were no secrets in this family and they were going to be watched closely for any slip ups.

“This whole thing will take some getting used to,” Leo said as if he had read Raph’s thoughts. “We will all need time to adjust to the new family dynamic. Once we do, it will be less awkward for all of us.”

“Fair enough.” With a sigh, Raph stripped himself of his gear and threw it into a pile on the floor. Leo sat looking at it for a moment. The disheveled pile struck a nerve but before he had a chance to say anything, Raph pressed in for a kiss. Anything Leo was about to say was forgotten as the two fell to the bed. 

“Fuck me,” Raph mumbled into the kiss as he positioned himself above Leonardo, grinding their lower plastrons together. “I want to feel you inside me.” 

“Gladly,” Leo moaned before a churr erupted from him. “But I don’t have any lube.”

Raph reached between them to rub along Leo’s lower plastron. “I prepped myself before coming here.”

Unable to contain it any longer, Leo let his erection free. His breath hitched as Raph’s hand wrapped around the heated flesh. “What would you have done if I had said no?”

“Gone back to my room, cursed your name, and masturbated while thinking of you,” Raph replied with a cocky grin, lifting up so that he could place Leo’s tip at his entrance. “But I much rather have the real thing.” He lowered himself, gently rocking his hips as he slid down Leo’s shaft. There was only a brief moment of pain as his muscles stretched to accommodate the girth.  

Closing his eyes, Leo bit hard on his bottom lip and rolled his head back against the pillow. Raphael set a rigorous pace in an attempt to bring them both to a quick completion. 

Chest heaving, Leo reached up to grab hold of Raph’s bobbing cock. The pre-cum that flowed from the tip coated Leo’s hand as he feverishly pumped. 

“Oh God,” Raph gasped, his movements staggering. “Fuck, Leo!”

Leo’s grip on Raph’s cock tightened, his movements instinctive as he reached his climax. The warm rush of fluids deep inside of him set Raph off, his eyes squeezing shut as his lower regions pulsated. He loved that feeling. After a few steading breaths, Raph opened his eyes and saw streaks of cum spattered across Leo’s chest. 

“Sex is messy,” Leo said, smiling up at Raph. He ran his fingers through the mess on his plastron. “And sticky,” he added.

“Yeah it is,” Raph said, looking down between them. He lifted up, causing Leo’s spent penis to fall free followed by a flow of secretions that spilled onto Leo’s thighs. “Fortunately, the majority of it is on you this time,” he quipped.

“You’re not getting out of this clean,” Leo stated with a playful grin. Before Raph could say anything, Leo used his cum covered hand to pull Raph down into a kiss and then rolled them both so that he was on top. “We’re not done.”

“I can go all night,” Raph said with a grin.

….

A soft kiss on his cheek pulled Raph from his deep slumber. It had been several weeks since their relationship had started but it was beginning to feel… normal. They spent most of their nights together, only spending nights apart whenever they fought.

For a moment Raph felt joy, there was something fulfilling about waking up next to a lover, but then a sudden wave of nausea overwhelmed him. He bolted from the room in a mad dash for the bathroom, barely making it before his stomach voided itself of its contents. 

“You alright?” Leo asked, standing just outside the doorway. 

Raph shook his head. “I feel like shit.”

As Raph continued to heave, Mikey walked up to stand next to Leo. “Dude, you don’t look too good. You pregnant?”

“Fuck you,” Raph griped, lobbing the first thing he could grab, a roll of toilet paper, at Mikey. It harmlessly bounced off Mikey’s plastron and fell to the floor. 

“Not now, Mikey,” Leo said, ushering the youngest away before he could make matters worse. 

With is arm across the toilet, Raph rested his head against it while he waited for his stomach to stop turning. Leo knelt down next to him and gently rubbed Raph’s carapace. “Once it’s all out of your system, go back to bed and get some rest. Okay?”

“You’re not gonna get any argument out of me,” Raph mumbled into the toilet. 

“Just to make sure it’s nothing serious, have Donny run a few tests later.” Leo kissed the back of Raph’s head and then stood. “I’m gonna head to practice. I’ll let father know that you are not feeling well. If you need anything, let me know.”

“I’ll be fine,” Raph assured him, waving him away. 

“Alright.” Leo gave a stiff nod before reluctantly turning to leave. 

Raph waited with his face in the toilet for a few more minutes to make sure that he was done heaving. When his stomach felt like it had stilled, he stood, waiting near the toilet for a second just in case the movement caused another wave of nausea. Mildly assured that he would not throw up again, Raph flushed and then headed over to the sink to rinse out his mouth and wash his hands before heading back to his room. 

Once he was back in bed, he closed his eyes and tried to get back to sleep. He managed to doze, the sounds of his family’s activities manipulating his waking dreams in bizarre ways but he was not able to get back to sleep. It didn’t take long before he could no longer stay in bed. It was against his nature to be lazy, even if he was sick. 

He opened his bedroom door and the aroma of lunch greeted him, causing him to let out a soft groan. Nauseated hunger was not a pleasant state to be in. He decided to head down to see if there was something mild he could eat to test the strength of his stomach. 

He entered the kitchen to find Mikey at the sink, cleaning dishes. The rest of the family must have just finished their lunch. The orange banded ninja turned when he sensed that he was not alone. The smile he gave Raph was soft and caring. “Feeling a little better?”

“A little,” Raph nodded. “Thought I’d try eating something.”

Since his hands were wet, Mikey gestured with his elbow. “There’s some rice in the cooker over there. I went out earlier and got you some ginger ale and some Gatorade. They’re in the fridge.”

“Thanks,” Raph said, giving Mikey an appreciative pat on the back as he made his way past to get a bowl. He opened the rice cooker to find the rice inside untouched, meaning that Mikey had made it specifically for Raph. Mikey might have been a pain in the ass at times but he could also be great when the situation called for it. If Raph wasn’t so in love with Leo, he would definitely have a crush on Mikey. 

After putting a small amount in the bowl, Raph grabbed one of the bottles of ginger ale from the fridge and then sat at the table. He took a small sip of the soda to test his stomach. When there was no adverse reaction, he took a bite of rice. As soon as the rice hit, his stomach demanded more. 

He was hungry and all nausea was forgotten. 

Raph inhaled the bowl of rice and then got up to get some more. “Is there anything else I can eat with this?”

“Uh?” Mikey watched as Raph piled rice into his bowl. “You sure you wanna eat that much?”

“I’m hungry.” Raph set his bowl down and opened the fridge and spotted the container of homemade pickled vegetables. He grabbed the container along with one that had a few boiled eggs that had been soaked in soy sauce. 

He didn’t even bother slicing the eggs. Instead he shoved two into the rice and mashed them in with his fork. Once it was good and mixed he added some of the vegetables and then started to devour the mixture. 

“You sure you’re not pregnant?” Mikey laughed, dodging the roll of paper towels Raph threw at him. 

“Fuck you,” Raph said through a mouth full of food. “I told you that my relationship with Leo is off limits. You’re asking me to beat the shit out of you.”

“It’s just a joke,” Mikey scoffed, brushing Raph’s threat off by turning back to the dishes. “It’s funny because you’re a dude so it’s impossible. I’d be saying it even if you weren’t being screwed by Leo every chance you get. But you really should have Donny look you over. It can’t be normal to up chuck in the morning and then eat so much a few hours later. Better make sure you don’t have some kind of bug.”

“I will,” Raph agreed as he stabbed at his food. “I just wanted to get something to eat first.”

Mikey put the last dish on the drying rack and then turned to face Raph. “You mind washing your own dishes?” It was Mikey’s day to do the dishes and every dish was supposed to be his responsibility, but Raph was feeling generous. 

“Nah.” Raph waved Mikey out of the room. “Go play.” 

“Thanks!” Mikey quickly dried his hands and made a dash for the door. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

Alone, Raph continued to move his food around with his fork. He had been famished a few moments ago, and he knew he was fully capable of eating the amount of food in the bowl a few times over but he was full and feeling a bit nauseous again. There had to have been something wrong with his stomach. 

He hated the idea of wasting food but his concoction was not going to store well and no one else was going to eat it, so he ran the garbage disposal and dumped the food down the drain. Once his dishes were clean, Raph headed to Donny’s lab for a checkup. 

As soon as he opened the door he was met with, “Now’s not a good time,” followed by the sound of a welding tool. 

Raphael knew better than to bother his brother while he was in the middle of something, especially if it involved a welder. So, without a word, Raph backed back out of the lab, closing the door behind him. 

Raph considered not bothering with a checkup but he needed some answers, there was something off and it was best to find out what it was as soon as possible, so he went to the next best place, Leatherhead’s. 

The path between the Turtles’ lair and Leatherhead’s was under heavily surveillance. No one entered those tunnels without the two geniuses knowing about it. So, it was no surprise when Leatherhead was there waiting for Raphael. “What brings you here, my friend?”

“I haven’t been feeling well,” Raph explained as he approached, “and Donny’s busy so I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind giving me a checkup to make sure it’s nothing serious.”

“I don’t mind at all,” Leatherhead stated, steeping aside to invite Raph into his home. “What seems to be the matter?” He gestured for Raph to follow him deeper into his lair. 

“I threw up this morning,” Raph said as they entered Leatherhead’s lab. “It came out of nowhere. Then, after a while, I was starving but then I wasn’t able to eat much before I felt full. And, to be honest, I’ve been short of breath lately.”

“Get up on the table,” Leatherhead instructed and turned to look through his equipment. “I’m going to do a scan of your abdominal region to make sure there isn’t some sort of growth.”

Raphael felt his heart sink into his stomach. “A growth?”

Leatherhead gravely nodded in response. “I hope it is nothing more than a bug that has you out of sorts but it is best to make sure.”

Raphael swallowed hard as he got up on the table. He was starting to feel dizzy so he lay back and looked up at the ceiling. A growth of any kind would not be good, practically a death sentence. There were few options of treatment, every single one of them a risk. It wasn’t like they could simply go to a doctor. 

Leatherhead returned with a refurbished sonogram machine and set it down on a nearby table. “This is the best I have to do an internal scan.”

“Then it will have to do,” Raph said, keeping his eyes on the ceiling. 

After squirting some lubricant onto Raph’s abdomen, Leatherhead turned on the machine and pressed the probe just below Raph’s ribs. Raph kept his eyes fixed on a small crack as he waited for Leatherhead’s findings. 

“That’s odd,” Leatherhead said, moving the probe lower. 

“What?” Raph turned his head, craning his neck to see the monitor but he couldn’t make sense of the black and white image. “Did you find something?”

“You are male. Are you not?” Leatherhead replied with a question of his own. 

“What the hell kind of question is that?” Raph snapped, all of his nervous energy coming out as anger. “Yes, I’m male. If you move that thing any lower, you’ll see my cock. Why would you even ask me that?”

“Because there appears to be a clutch of eggs growing inside of you,” Leatherhead simply answered. 

It took a moment for Leatherhead’s words to sink in. Raphael felt like he was in a daze. “What?” There was no way that he had heard him right. “You’re shitting me. This is your lame ass attempt at a joke, to calm my nerves.”

Leatherhead shook his head. “I am afraid not. I see at least five developing eggs. It also appears that you have both testicles and ovaries.”

Raph felt sick. “How? It’s not possible.”

“Without further tests, I cannot know for sure,” Leatherhead said, turning the machine off and handing Raph a towel. “Based on the internal scans, I can assume that you are intersex and that both are functional.”

“I’m a boy and a girl?” Raph asked, trying to wrap his head around it all as he cleaned off his plastron. “The reason I’ve been sick is because I’m… pregnant?”

“Essentially, yes,” Leatherhead said, his eyes full of concern for his friend. 

“I need to go,” Raph said flatly, jumping down from the exam table. “I need time process all this.”

“If there is anything I can do…,” Leatherhead offered. 

Raph turned to look at him. “Don’t say anything to anyone.”

“Of course,” Leatherhead agreed without hesitation. “It is not my news to tell.”

“No matter what,” Raph added with conviction. “Don’t say anything about it.”

Worry filled Leatherhead’s eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I ain’t having kids,” Raph answered, tears stinging his eyes.

Leatherhead stood and took a few tentative steps forward. “Raph….”

“I ain’t asking you to help me get rid of them,” Raphael interrupted him, “just that you don’t do anything to try and stop me. Just pretend that today never happened.” He was shaking with emotion. Was Leatherhead going to agree or was he going to run off and tell the others in an attempt to stop him?

“Don’t make any hasty decisions,” Leatherhead pleaded. “Take some time to think this trough. Consider what their father would want.”

“The only thing I’m gonna be thinking about is how to end this without anyone finding out,” Raph said through gritted teeth. “Do you know of anything I can take that will abort them?”

Leatherhead shook his head. “I do not think that any of the herbs that humans can take will work on you. Besides,” he fixed Raph with a piercing gaze, “even if I knew of anything you could take, I wouldn’t tell you. I don’t want any part in it.”

“As long as you keep your mouth shut,” Raph said. 

“You have my word,” Leatherhead reluctantly agreed. 

“Good.” Raph turned on his heel and left. 

On his way home Leatherhead’s words echoed through his head. The more he thought about it the more he second guessed his decision. Maybe he would talk about it with Leo first before making any final decisions. 

Chapter 3
Desperation 

As soon as Raph returned home, he headed straight for the dojo. Pounding his fists into his punching bag helped to clear his head. Right now, he needed to think. 

He couldn’t believe what was happening. There he was, a freak among freaks. A girl who didn’t know they were a girl because they also had boy parts and was now carrying their brother’s children with no way of getting rid of them. 

He punched the bag with all of his might, the force of the blow causing prickles of pain up his arm. What were his brothers going to say? How were they going to react? Then there was Splinter. 

Just the thought of his father looking at him in silent disappointment made Raph’s stomach churn. 

“You alright?”

Raph paused, mid punch and turned to see Leo standing behind him. He hadn’t even heard the stealthy bastard come in. Placing his hands on the bag to steady it, Raph shook his head. “I’m alright.”

“Where’ve you been?” Leo asked, stepping closer. There was no accusation in his voice, just a simple curiosity. 

“Don was busy,” Raph answered. “So, I went to see Leatherhead.”

There was a flash of concern in Leo’s eyes. “What’d he say?” Though Leo did his best not to show it, Raph knew that Leo was worried. 

“I’m good.” Raph forced a smile and defensively raised his hands in an attempt to settle Leo’s nerves. “I’m fine.”

Leo nodded his head. “Good.” After a quick glance around the dojo, Leo moved forward and pulled Raph into an embrace. They stood holding each other for as long as they dared before pulling apart. Leo once again scanned the dojo before addressing Raph. “If everything is okay, why did you seem to be so upset?”

Raph shrugged his shoulders as he thought of how to respond. “I… uh… I don’t know. I’m trying to clear my head of ridiculous thoughts, I guess.”

“Like what?” Leo asked, keeping his eyes locked on Raph. 

“Do you ever…?” Raph sighed and turned his gaze to the ground. He had to think of a way to get Leo’s opinion on the situation without revealing anything. “Do you ever wish we could have kids?” He looked back up at Leo to see a wide eye expression. It would have made Raph laugh if he hadn’t been so scared. 

Leo fumbled with his words, something that was a rarity. “I would be lying if I said no,” he eventually managed, shaking his head. “But at the same time, it’s a good thing we can’t.”

“You’d be a great dad,” Raph replied without thinking. “And I know, one day, you would like to be a master with your own students.”

Smiling, Leo nodded but then the smile faded and he started to once again shake his head. “It would be nice but…. Just think about the kind of life we have. It wouldn’t be fair to bring children into this. We have so many enemies and so little freedom. No. It’s a good thing we can’t have kids.”

Taking a deep breath, Raph let it out slowly. “You’re right. Like I said, it was a ridiculous thought.”

“What brought this on?” Leo asked. “Was it because of what Mikey said this morning?”

“Maybe,” Raph shrugged, in an attempt to play it off as nothing. “I don’t know. I was trying to come up with things to do that would make you happy and, for some reason, that’s where my mind went.”

“I like that there is peace between us and that we get to spend so much time together.” Leo moved in closer to Raph. “We’re open and honest with each other. Being with you, like this, makes me happy. I don’t need anything more.”

As Leo moved in for a kiss, Raph couldn’t help but smile despite the pain he was feeling. “We’re gonna get caught.” 

Leo chuckled. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take.” 

Their lips met in a tender kiss that radiated Leo’s love and broke Raph’s heart. 

In the days that followed, Raph did his best to hide the turbulent thoughts that plagued his mind and the fact that a clutch of eggs was developing inside him. He had to come up with a way to get rid of them without anyone knowing. The biggest problem was Leatherhead. 

Every time the large crocodile came for a visit it made Raphael anxious. It worried him even more any time Leatherhead was alone with Donatello. It took all of Raph’s control not to hover around them. If he had, it would raise suspicion. 

Leatherhead and Donny had been working for the past few hours on some big project. Leo, Mikey, and Raph were sitting in front of the television array, watching the news. They were getting ready to go out on their nightly patrol.

As Leatherhead was leaving, he shot a Raph a glance. The split second that their eyes met had Raphael’s stomach in knots. He was up to something. 

Donatello saw Leatherhead out and closed the door behind his friend before turning towards the rest of the family. “I have realized that it has been a while since your last health screenings. So, tomorrow, after practice, I expect to see each of you in my lab.”

It was a good thing Raph was already sitting because it felt like the world had just dropped from him. That bastard had to have planted the idea in Donny’s head. It was his way of outing Raph without actually breaking his promise not to say anything. 

“Okay,” Leo agreed as he shut off the television. “Gear up. It’s time to go.”

Running across the rooftops was becoming increasingly difficult. Raph’s lungs did not have the room to expand due to the eggs so he tired quickly but he was not about to let his brothers see it. Somehow, he managed to keep up with them. 

If his mind was in turmoil before then the knowledge that, in a few hours, his life was going to turned upside down had him in a near state of panic. It was a weight of dread that nearly crippled him. He wanted desperately for it all to go away. 

Lost in his thoughts, Raph almost missed the signal to stop. It didn’t go unnoticed. Leo placed his hand on Raph’s shoulder. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Raph assured him. “I was looking off to the side when you gave the signal.”

Leo looked back the way they had come. “Did you see something?”

“I thought I did,” Raph lied. “It was just a cat.”

“It’s good to be alert,” Leo said with a nod. Satisfied that they were not in immediate danger, he scanned the streets below. 

They were in Purple Dragon territory. The recent activity of the gang raised suspicion and Leo was convinced that something big was happening tonight. He felt responsible for their rise in power and made it his mission to thwart them whenever possible. Every police officer who died at the hands of a dragon was a personal blow. 

“Look,” Donny said, pointing to an approaching van. He lowered his military grade goggles to have a better look. “There are four men and several large crates in there. Judging by the heat coming off those crates,” Donny lifted the goggles to look at Leo, “I’d bet my shell that it’s Triceriton tech.” 

“We cannot let that tech fall into the wrong hands,” Leo said as he studied the scene below. “Follow that van.”

As they sped off along the roof tops, Mikey pulled up next to Don. “Looks like you’ll be getting a new van and some new toys tonight, Donny-boy.”

“Don’t get over confidant,” Leo warned. “And don’t underestimate our opponent.”

“I know, Leo.” Mikey rolled his eyes. It wasn’t like they haven’t heard the same lecture over and over again. “The Dragons are bad and well-armed and Hun is more dangerous since he’s been mutated. I’ll be careful.”

“A new van would be nice,” Donny whispered to Mikey with a smile. “I can strip it for parts.”

Raph knew better than to participate in the banter. He needed to conserve his breath and if he spoke, they would be able to tell that he was winded. 

They followed the van to an abandoned hotel. It had once been an immaculate hotel but a lightning strike, nearly a decade ago, had caused more damage than the owners could afford to repair. 

“What, we’re not going to a warehouse on the docks?” Mikey scoffed as he watched the van pull into the parking garage. “Don’t these thugs know anything about how this is supposed to be done? That said, I will give them a ‘B’ for not being overly cliché.”

“That’s enough, Mikey.” Leo backhanded Mikey’s arm. “You can joke about it when we’re back, safe in the lair. ”

The building was far from secure, by any definition. Missing walls made entry into the structure easy. Missing floorboards meant that the floor could give out at any moment. 

The room that they were in was two floors up and bare. Anything of value that had been left behind by the owners had been picked clean long ago. Since it was left open to the elements, the room smelled of mildew. Raph’s stomach churned but he managed to keep his composure. 

Fortunately, they were not in the room long. They made their way to the hallway and down the elevator shaft to the lobby where the stench of mildew was replaced by the scent of stale air and dust. From there, it was a short run across the lobby to the parking garage. 

The van sat, idle on the ground level with several Purple Dragons leaning against it as they waited. Hun stood back against a pillar, closer to the entrance, watching for the potential buyers. 

Raph couldn’t help but smile anytime he saw Hun. He was one ugly turtle and Raph took pride in knowing he played a part in his mutation. 

“Buyer must be running late,” Donny whispered.

“Lucky for us,” Mikey replied. 

Leo narrowed his eyes as he surveyed the parking garage. “Something doesn’t feel right.”

“I agree,” Raph whispered. A prickling on the back of Raph’s neck had him turning in time to see two thugs take aim. “It’s a trap!” he warned, rushing to meet the assailants head on. 

Dodging and weaving, Raph was not an easy target and despite how tired he already was, he pushed himself to fight. He threw his sai at the closest gunman, disarming him so that he could move in close for a solid punch. 

“Mikey, help Raph,” Leo ordered. “Don, you’re with me. We still have to make sure there is nothing in that van.” 

As Mikey cut back to take on the second gunman, Leo and Don lunged forward towards the van. 

Movement caught Raph’s eye. There was a third gunman in the shadows and Mikey didn’t see him. 

….

“Raph!”

The way Mikey had called out their brother’s name sent a chill up Leo’s spine. It was not a cry of warning but one of horrifying fear. The fact that the sound of gun fire was also coming from that direction did nothing to ease Leo’s worry. 

Leo sent his blade through the gut of one of the thugs. He stopped caring long ago about trying his best not to kill. These men had committed such horrendous crimes that they did not deserve mercy. The more of them they killed the fewer they would have to deal with later. 

“What’s in the van?” Leo demanded, eager to get this over with so he could find out what was going on with Mikey and Raph. 

“Weapons,” Donny replied from the back of the van as he kicked a Purple Dragon in the face. “And lots of them. This wasn’t a setup, at least not for us.”

Three bright red cars pulled into the garage but immediately backed out and left. Whoever Hun had a deal with didn’t seem to care for a fight. 

“You fucking freaks botched my deal,” Hun roared.

Leo readied himself to face Hun as the mountainous cross between a man and a turtle barreled forward. Hun was a strong opponent before. His mutation made him stronger. This was not going to be an easy fight.

As he charged Leo, Hun glanced up as if some movement had caught his eye. Fear spread across his features as he came to a halt. His eyes remained glued to something behind Leo and he faltered backward before turning tail to run. The remaining Dragons who were able, followed after him. 

Curious to know what had caused the sudden fear, Leo turned to see Silver Sentry hovering behind him. 

“Where is Michelangelo?” Silver Sentry asked as he landed. 

“There.” Leo pointed to the hotel entrance, noting that the gun fire had stopped. “Why are you here?”

“I had given Mikey a way to contact me if he ever got himself in a situation that was over his head,” Silver Sentry explained. “Are you in trouble? I told him that it was only to be used in emergencies.”

Fear washed over Leo as he rushed towards where his brothers should be. “Mikey? Raph?”

“This way,” Silver Sentry said, leading the way. “I can see them over there, just beyond that fallen pillar.”

“Guys? Say something,” Leo called out as he stepped over a body. They guy’s skull was cracked. From the look of it, it was done by a blunt object like a nunchaku. Something was wrong. Leo might have come to terms with killing but Mikey hadn’t. 

When his brothers came into view, Leo feared the worst. There were two other bodies on the ground, one of them looked like it was beaten well past death. Mikey was covered in blood, cradling a prone Raphael.

Mikey’s hand was pressed against Raph’s abdomen and he was muttering something under his breath. When he noticed them approaching, Mikey grabbed his nunchakus, ready to attack. 

Leo paused and held up his hands. “Mikey, it’s me.”

“Leo,” Mikey sobbed in relief. “Raph’s been shot.” His eyes drifted past Leo to Silver Sentry. “I didn’t know what else to do.” The tears that fell from his eyes ran streaks down his blood-stained cheeks. Trembling, Mikey looked around them. “I think I killed these men.”

“It’s okay,” Leo soothed as he kneeled down next to Raph to assess the damage. 

Dark blood seeped from under Mikey’s hand, indicating that Raph’s wound was deep. Leo leaned over to look into Raph’s eyes. “You’re gonna be okay.” He wasn’t sure if he believed his own words. 

“D…don’t… save… mmm,” Raph rasped. “Get… out….”

“What are you talking about?” Leo shook his head. “Don’t worry about us. Okay? We’re gonna save you.”

“D…don’t… want…,” Raph continued. 

“He’s in shock,” Silver Sentry said as he carefully made his way over to them. “And from the looks of it, so is Mikey. I’ll fly Raphael to the Justice Force headquarters for medical treatment. The rest of you can follow in the van.”

Leo moved aside as Silver Sentry knelt down to pick up Raph. Nothing else was said as the leader of the Justice Force flew away with their brother in his arms. 

With a heavy heart, Leo helped Mikey to his feet. Together they walked back to the waiting van and Donny. 

“What happened?” Donny asked, rushing to meet them. “I saw Silver Sentry flying off with Raph.” He looked Mikey over as his features filled with worry. “Mikey? Look at me.” Donny cradled Mikey face with his hands and tried to make eye contact but Mikey’s eyes were unfocused. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“I think he’s just in shock,” Leo explained, passing Mikey over to Donny. “He saw Raph shot and then he killed the men responsible. I think that’s taken a toll on him. Get him in the van.” Leo turned and headed for the driver’s seat. “We have to get to the Justice Force headquarters.”

Chapter 4
Disbelief

Hours passed as they waited for news of Raph’s condition in a private room within the Justice Force headquarters. Leonardo had called their father, who now sat in a corner, meditating, no doubt feeling out Raph’s aura. As long as Splinter was calm, Leo knew that Raph was still alive. 

Splinter’s eyes opened and he looked at the door just before it opened. Silver Sentry stepped into the room and gave them a reassuring nod. “Raphael will be fine. The good news is, there was no internal damage. The bad news is…, the bullet pierced one of the eggs. There was no way we could save it but it looks like the others will be alright.”

Relieved, Leo let out a sigh as he rubbed the bridge between his eyes. It took a moment for all of Silver Sentry’s words to take hold. “Wait,” Leo said, looking up as he went over it again in his head. “Eggs?”

“So, you didn’t know,” Silver Sentry stated, nodding his head. “I had a feeling that would be the case.”

“Um.... Raph’s a boy,” Mikey said and looked at Leo. “Isn’t he?”

“He is….” Leo sat down hard as he tried to wrap his mind around it. “I didn’t know. If I had known, I wouldn’t have let him go on the mission.”

“The doctors say that Raphael is intersex, also known as a hermaphrodite,” Silver Sentry explained. “There’s a good chance that he didn’t know and had just assumed that he was under the weather.”

Silver Sentry’s statement triggered the memory of the earlier conversation Leo had with Raph. “Raph knew.” Leo turned his attention to Donny. “He went to see Leatherhead not too long ago, when he was sick and you were busy. Why wouldn’t Leatherhead tell us?”

“I would assume Raph swore him to secrecy,” Donny replied. “But, this would explain why Leatherhead had suggested that I update your medical files. Maybe it was his way of trying to tell me without actually telling me and breaking his promise.”

“Dude, you’re gonna be a dad,” Mikey said to Leo in disbelief. 

“When Raph had asked me about having kids, I had no idea it was even a possibility,” Leo confessed. “He must have been afraid to tell me and was… testing me.”

“What did you say,” Splinter asked, “when he asked about your feelings towards having children?”

Guilt had a knot forming in Leo’s throat. Covering his face with his hands, he took a few steading breaths before answering. “I told him that I was glad that we couldn’t.” He looked at his father, struggling to keep his emotions in check. “I told him that even if it was possible that I wouldn’t want to. I can’t even imagine how much pain my words had caused him.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Donny soothed. “You said it yourself. You had no idea it was even a possibility.”

Leo got to his feet and faced Silver Sentry. “Can I go see him?” He needed to see Raph, to let him know that everything was going to be alright. 

Silver Sentry nodded. “He’s out of surgery but is still sedated. It will take a while for the drugs to wear off.”

“I’d like to be there when he wakes up,” Leo said. 

“This way,” Silver Sentry said, heading towards the door. 

“We’ll wait here,” Splinter said, holding Mikey back but looking at Leo. “You and Raphael have much to discuss.”

“Thank you, father,” Leo said, bowing slightly before turning to follow Silver Sentry. 

Raph was resting in a small, dimly lit room. His midsection was tightly bandaged and he was connected to several machines that monitored his vitals. There was a chair next to the bed but no other furniture. Leo sat, grabbed hold of Raph’s hand and waited. 

His mind rushed with all the things that he wanted to say, the main thing being that he was sorry. Finally able to absorb all that had happened, he allowed himself to cry. 

For an unknown amount of time, Leo sat in the dim light, holding Raph’s hand as the tears freely flowed. He was relieved that his brother was going to live but overwhelmed by the fact that he was going to be a father. He had always wanted children, his own students so that he could pass on his father’s teachings. He wished he had expressed that to Raph. 

“I want them,” Leo whispered as he placed one of his hands, gently on Raph’s stomach. 

With a soft grunt, Raph shifted. 

Worried that he was causing Raph’s pain, Leo retracted his hand and went back to cupping both of his hands around Raph’s. “You’re okay, Raph,” he soothed. “You’re safe now.”

Raph struggled to wake, fighting whatever drug that lingered in his system. “Where?”

“Justice Force headquarters,” Leo said, giving Raph’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “Do you remember what happened?”

“Dragon was gonna shoot Mikey,” Raph mumbled and his tongue flicked out to wet his lips.

“You saved Mikey,” Leo said. 

Raph’s breathing was deep and slow. “The bullet hit me.” He opened his eyes and tried to focus on Leo. In them, Leo could see the shimmer of tears forming. “It burned and made my whole body hurt.”

Leo nodded his head. “The bullet hit you in the stomach but there was no internal damage… to you.”

Closing his eyes, Raph turned his head away and pulled his hand from Leo’s grip. 

“It only damaged one egg,” Leo told him. “The others are okay. You only lost one.”

Shaking his head, Raph looked at Leo. “I don’t want any of them. If I had been conscious when they brought me in I would have told them to get the damn things out of me.”

Remembering the words Raph had mumbled to him before Silver Sentry carried him away, Leo felt his heart drop and he fought the new flood of tears that threatened to fall. Raph wasn’t asking Leo to forget about him and save himself. He was telling Leo not to save the eggs. “I am sorry that I made you feel that way.”

Shaking his head, Raph scoffed. “I wanted to get rid of them the moment I found out about them. My conversation with you only strengthened my resolve.”

“Raph….” Leo couldn’t believe what his brother was saying. 

“You were right, Leo,” Raph said. “Having kids would be a bad idea. It would be dangerous and unfair to them.”

“What were you going to do?” Leo asked, unable to hide the accusation in his voice. “You couldn’t hide them.”

Raph shrugged and looked away. “Drop them into the Hudson and no one would know.”

Leo had a hard time believing that his brother could be so cold. “They’re our babies.”

“They’re…,” Raph’s voice choked off and he had to clear his throat. “They’re not babies yet.” Leo reached out for Raph again but Raph pulled away. “Can you ask the doctor to come in here? I wanna ask if they can help me get rid of’em.”

“I don’t want you to,” Leo argued. 

“It’s not your choice,” Raph snapped back. “They’re in me, and I don’t want them.”

“Why?” Leo rasped. 

“I don’t want kids,” Raph replied as his eyes filled with tears. “I shouldn’t be able to have kids. I hate this. I just want it to go away.”

Leo shook his head. “I can’t let you hurt them. Once you lay the eggs, it’s no longer your choice.”

“Then I guess I gotta get the doctors to help me slush them out of my body before they’re ready,” Raph said, glaring at Leo. 

“No one here will help you do that,” Leo said. 

“I don’t want them,” Raph yelled. 

“It isn’t only about you,” Leo yelled back. “I know you’re scared….”

“I’m not scared,” Raph interrupted. 

“They why don’t you want them?” Leo snapped back. 

“Because I don’t want to be a girl,” Raph shouted. “I don’t want everyone to look at them and know what I am.”

There is was, the real reason behind Raph’s actions. He was more worried about how everyone would view him, than anything else. Leo sneered. “That’s a selfish reason not to want them. They’re innocent babies. They deserve a chance at life.”

“Go away,” Raph said in a choked whisper, unable to look Leo in the eyes. 

“I’m not gonna leave you,” Leo insisted. 

Lip trembling, Raph glared up at his brother. “You not leaving me the fuck alone is the reason I’m in this mess. Now, go away.”

“No,” Leo said softly, shaking his head. “I love you.”

“Then make this all go away,” Raph pleaded. 

“We’ll get through this,” Leo soothed. He reached out but, once again, Raph pulled away from him. 

“I don’t want to get through it, I want to get rid of it.” Clinching his fists, Raph brought them down hard on either side of his abdomen. 

Leo was on him in an instant, grabbing both of Raph’s wrists to keep him still. It was a good thing that Raph was still mildly sedated, Leo was able to hold him down with little effort. 

Raph struggled against Leo’s grip, crying out, “Get away from me!”

One of the doctors rushed into the room, followed by another. “What’s going on?” he demanded. “His stress levels are elevated. Get off him or you risk breaking the stiches.”

“He’s trying to hurt himself,” Leo answered, keeping a strong grip on Raph’s wrists. 

Raph gave up on his struggle against Leo and turned his attention to the doctor. “Get these things out of me. I don’t want them.”

“The eggs? There is no point in going through another surgery,” the doctor told them. “The eggs will come out on their own any day now.”

“So, they are already formed, shell and all,” Leo asked the doctor. “There is nothing you can do at this point?”

The doctor nodded his head. “Yes. They are complete and ready to come out. Aside from crushing them, they are going to live with or without Raphael.”

Leo looked down at Raph. “Just a few more days and they will be out, and their fate will no longer be just your decision.”

“I hate you,” Raph said through gritted teeth. “I hate you for doing this to me.”

Chapter 5
Done

Raph’s cries of pain could be heard echoing down the hall. Leonardo and his brothers waited for news while their father and the Justice Force doctors assisted Raph with the delivery. The biggest concern was that Raph had not had adequate time to heal and there was a risk of popping the stiches. 

The whole situation had Leonardo battling conflicting emotions. He was excited about being a father but he worried about what it was doing to Raph psychologically. He did not like being seen as weak. 

Time seemed to creep by and with every passing second Leo prayed that Raph’s physical pain would end so they could get to work healing him emotionally. 

The yelling stopped and Leo held his breath, expecting it to start up again at any minute. It wouldn’t have been the first time there was a lull. When he heard the sound of the door opening, he stood and looked down the long hallway. 

One of the doctors wheeled a cart into another room, followed by another. It was done, but still, Leo waited. It wasn’t until Splinter stepped out of the room and signaled for him, did Leo dare to head towards the room. 

“Is he okay?” Leo asked as he approached his father. 

“He managed to deliver the eggs without issue,” Splinter replied. “However, I would not go so far as to say that he is okay. Your brother’s mind is a torrent of emotions. He will not talk to me. He won’t even look at me and he pulls away when I try to touch him.”

Leo looked past his father, into the room. “Can I go in and talk to him?”

Splinter’s ears flattened as he let out a soft sigh. “You can try. I will leave you two alone.”

“Thank you,” Leo said, keeping his eyes fixed on Raph. 

He waited for his father to leave before slowly making his way into the room. Raph was lying in bed in a slightly elevated position, looking up at nothing. He looked beaten both physically and emotionally. 

Leo inched his way closer to his brother, fighting the urge to reach out to him. “Raph?”

“Go away,” Raph mumbled, without looking over. 

Leo wasn’t ready to give up just yet. “I know this is hard for you….”

Turning his head, Raph glared at Leo. “Go away!”

“Please,” Leonardo said, struggling to fight back tears. “Don’t push me away. I love you.”

“I don’t,” Raph choked out, turning his head to once again look at the ceiling. “Leave me alone.”

Leo’s heart broke. Things were finally starting to work between him and Raph. He didn’t want to lose what they had. “What do I have to do to fix this?”

“Make it all go away,” Raph replied as tears ran down his cheeks. “Make them all forget. Wake me up from this nightmare. I don’t want to be this anymore.”

“I can’t undo what’s happened,” Leo said, taking a few deep breaths to keep his voice steady. “If I could, I would go back in time and prevent this from happening. But, what would you have me do? Break the eggs? End the lives of our children all because you’re ashamed and afraid of what people are gonna think of you? I can’t do that and I know that, despite the way you’re feeling right now, you wouldn’t want that either.”

Raph rolled on his side, turning away from Leo and signaling that their conversation was over. From the way he moved, it was plan to see that he was in a great deal of pain. 

Knowing that he wasn’t going to get any further with Raph, Leo backed out of the room. “Okay. I’ll give you some space. Just… I want you to know that I’m not giving up on us. I love you.”

Raph stayed silent. 

With a heavy heart, Leo walked out of the room and headed down the hall to where the doctors had taken the eggs. Mikey rushed up to him the moment he entered the room. 

“The doctors say that three of the eggs have heartbeats inside and that one is most likely a dud but they are keeping it in the incubator just in case.”

“He was adamant about being the one to tell you all of that,” Donny said as he approached. “I think he’s more excited than you are.”

“What’s not to be excited about?” Mikey said with a huge grin. “I’m gonna have nibbles.”

Pinching the bridge between his eyes, Donny let out a groan. “Niblings, Mikey. The word you are looking for is niblings.”

Despite his breaking heart, Leo laughed at his brothers’ antics. They continued to banter back and forth like an old married couple while Leo made his way to the eggs. They were smaller than he had expected. Tentatively, he reached out to run his fingers along the surface of one. It was warm. 

“This is really happening,” he mumbled to himself. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think that he would have children of his own. He was overwhelmed, unsure how to feel and unable to fully process it. It was all happening so fast. 

“There are things we must consider,” Splinter stated, coming up to stand next to Leo. “I was fortunate when we were mutated because you and your brothers were no longer infants. Babies are considerably more difficult and there are several things we will need to be able to care for them.”

“Not to mention that their immune systems will be weak,” Donny pointed out. “And we live in the sewers.”

“Too bad we can’t stay here,” Mikey said. “They have everything and it’s clean.”

“Why can’t we stay here,” Donny pointed out. “The Justice Force has offered us a spot on the team before. I’m sure that offer still stands. We’ll have medical care for the babies and a protected place to raise them.”

When the Silver Sentry had originally offered for them to join the team, their lives were completely different. They were fine living on their own. But, now? They needed the help. Leonardo turned to his father. “What do you think?”

“I think your brothers make a good argument,” Splinter replied.

Leo nodded his head. “I will discuss it with Silver Sentry.” 

One of the doctors stepped into the room and looked around. “Oh dear.”

“What is the matter?” Splinter asked. 

The doctor’s eyes searched the room one more time before he looked up at Splinter. “I went in to check on Raphael and discovered that he was not in his room. I came in here to see if he might have come to look at the eggs, but now I see… that… he has… not.”

Leo felt a surge of panic but managed to keep his composure. “Raph’s not in his room?”

The doctor shook his head. “No.”

“Do you think he’s run off,” Mikey gave voice to everyone’s fears. 

“Maybe he hasn’t gotten far.” Leo bolted from the room. “Spread out and search.”

Leo started in the room where Raph was supposed to be recovering, scanning for any sign of how Raph had left. The window was solid and unable to open and the ventilation system was too narrow for Raph to crawl through. Just in case, Leo searched the room to make sure Raph wasn’t hiding somewhere inside. Those options were limited due to the fact that the room was sparsely furnished. 

After he was sure Raph was indeed no longer in the room. Leo raced towards the nearest exit. He passed Silver Sentry along the way. “Scan the building,” Leo said, pausing briefly. “Make sure Raph isn’t hiding somewhere inside. I’ll search outside.”

“I will help you in every way that I can,” Silver Sentry promised as Leo continued running down the hall. 

They searched until sun up but, despite his injuries, Raphael had managed to give them the slip. The city was big, and he could have been anywhere. He was lost to them. Physically and emotionally drained, Leonardo dropped to his knees and wept the moment he returned to the Justice Force headquarters. 

Michelangelo was by his side in an instant, offering support by simply holding him. There were no words that could be said that would soothe his pain. 

“I am so sorry,” Silver Sentry said. 

“Help him,” Splinter said to Donny. 

Donatello soon joined Mikey at Leo’s side and together they helped their brother too his feet. They led him to a room and helped him into the bed. Donny offered a reassuring smile before he turned to leave, but Leo could see the sorrow in his eyes. 

Raphael had a tendency to run off when he was upset but he usually made a big announcement of it. This time was different. He slipped away without a sound. There was a sinking feeling in Leo’s gut that told him that Raph wasn’t going to be coming back. 

Chapter 6
Discuss 

They were under strict instructions not to handle the eggs but the doctors told Leonardo that the developing babies inside could hear him. So, every night, Leo would read to them. It was important for them to know the sound of his voice. 

When he wasn’t there, he insisted that classical music was played. Occasionally he would play recordings of Raph’s voice. They didn’t have many, but at least the ones they had Raph spoke in an even tone. Even though Raph hadn’t returned, Leo wanted them to know him as well. He still held out hope that Raph would come back. With each passing day, that hope faded and the pain intensified. 

Every night, Leo would search the city in hopes of running into Raph. He knew his chances were slim but he had to try, he couldn’t sit around and do nothing. Notes had been left in the lair just in case Raph returned home, so he would know that they had joined the Justice Force. When Splinter meditated, he would search for Raphael on a spiritual level. Unable to pinpoint Raph’s location, all Splinter could sense was turmoil and pain. 

Time passed and there was no sign of Raph. Wherever he was, he planned on staying there.

As predicted, one of the eggs collapsed after a few days. If there was ever life in it, it did not last. The other three continued to develop. Small noises could be heard coming from them, ranging from grunts and whimpers to full out crying. 

It wasn’t long before the eggs started to move. 

“Are they going to hatch soon,” Leo asked the doctor who had come in to check on them. 

“It could be a few days or weeks,” the doctor answered. “They will hatch in their own time.” He pointed to one of the eggs. “That one there is going to be the first and it is big. You can see the way the shell is starting to bulge. It’s possible that it will rip its way out soon.” 

Were eggs supposed to be able to bulge like that? Feeling a sudden sense of worry, Leo carefully ran his hand over one of the eggs. He could feel that the shell wasn’t as solid as it had originally been. “Is this normal?”

“Yes,” the doctor replied, putting Leo’s mind at ease. “They absorb everything during their development, including the nutrients from the shell, causing it to weaken. When they start to hatch, we’ll have to play it by ear. The fact that they are mutant turtles makes this a learning experience for all of us.”

After spending a few more minutes with the eggs, Leo turned on some music and started on his way out to search for Raph. As he made his way down the hall, Donny approached him. 

“How long are you going to continue doing this,” he asked, coming up to walk beside him. 

Leo glanced over at his brother and shrugged. “Until I find him.”

“And then what?” Grabbing Leo’s hand, Donny forced him to stop. 

“I don’t know,” Leo admitted, pulling his hand out of his brother’s grip, “but I have to try. Those eggs are going to hatch any day now.”

Donny scoffed. “Raph doesn’t want to be here for that. He doesn’t want anything to do with them. He’s made that perfectly clear.”

“He wasn’t thinking clearly,” Leo argued, struggling to keep his emotions in check. “Everything had happened so fast. He was scared and confused.”

Shaking his head, Donny replied, “He’s had plenty of time to think. You have to come to terms with the fact that he does not want to be found.”

“Maybe he wants to come home but he’s afraid,” Leo said, still not willing to give up. “The more time that passes, the harder it is for him. If I find him and let him know that everything will be okay….”

“You need to stop doing this to yourself,” Donny stated plainly. “When the babies hatch, they are going to need you here. Not out frivolously searching for Raph.”

“I can’t give up,” Leo choked out, turning away in an attempt to hide his tears. It was hard for him to show any sign of weakness. But, he was worn down, making it almost impossible to stop. 

Stepping around Leo, Donny stood in front of him to look him in the eyes. “He’ll come home when he’s ready. Come on. You need to get some sleep.” It was strange hearing those words from Donny, who was notorious for staying up late. 

Physically and emotionally exhausted, Leo gave in and allowed Donny to lead him down the hall. What was one night? He will indulge his brother tonight and set out again tomorrow. 

He was expecting Donny to take him to his room but they passed it and continued to Mikey’s room. Confused, Leo looked at Donny. “Why are we here?”

“To sleep,” Donny answered as a matter of fact, opening the door. “We thought it would be best if you weren’t alone. Physical contact with another, even something as basic as a hug, can greatly help relieve… a great many things.”

Mikey had been pacing the room and ran to them when they entered. “Oh, good. You convinced him to stay!” The look of relief faded into one of sorrow as he pulled Leo into a warm hug. “We’re here for you, Leo.”

It did feel good to be hugged and his pain subsided, just a little. Leo allowed himself to be lost in the moment. 

When they parted, Leo looked around Mikey’s room and noticed a few of Donny’s things scattered around. This included a book on physics sitting on a small table next to the bed. From the looks of it, Donny’s things had been here for a while. “Do you guys usually sleep together?”

“Every night for the past few months,” Donny said. 

“We’re a couple now,” Mikey added and Leo felt his jaw go slack.  

“How…?” Leo had a hard time wrapping his mind around such a thing. “When did you guys decide to get together?”

While Donny helped Leo out of his gear, Mikey turned down the sheets. “When you and Raph started your relationship. I got it into my head that I wanted to be in one too. So, I started pursuing Donny.”

The bed was a large tatami. This was preferable for Mikey since he had a tendency to roll off the bed. If he rolled off a tatami, at least he didn’t fall on his way to the floor. How Donny managed to sleep next to someone who moved so much was beyond Leo’s comprehension. 

“Mikey was horrible at flirting.” Donny chuckled softly while he recalled the memory. “I thought all he wanted was a partner for sex so I turned him down.”

“What changed your mind,” Leo asked, genuinely intrigued. If any two were polar opposites, it was Mikey and Donny.   

Donny shrugged. “He convinced me that he wanted more.”

Mikey flopped down on the bed. “We had to date for a while before anything physical could happen. We just spent time together, doing stuff. I liked it. We found out we liked a lot of the same things.”

Sitting on the bed, Leo thought of his relationship with Raph and he struggled with a new set of tears that threatened to fall. “Maybe that’s all I was for Raph, someone to go to for sex. That’s why it was so easy for him to leave. He never truly loved me.”

“Well then he doesn’t deserve you,” Mikey snapped.

“Mikey,” Donny chided, sitting on the bed. 

“What?” Mikey shot back. 

“It’s okay,” Leo said, before the two of them could start arguing. “I don’t want what’s happened between me and Raph to come between the two of you.” Raw emotions had led Leo to say too much. He had to get out of there before he said more. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do but I don’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not,” Donny insisted. When Leo moved to get up, Donny grabbed hold of him. “We both want you to stay, for as long as you like.”

“We love you, Leo,” Mikey added. “You shouldn’t be alone.”

Unsure if he was reading more into their words than they had intended to say, Leo stumbled over his words. “I’m… uh… not ready.”

Understanding flashed in Donny’s eyes and he shook his head. “All we want is for you to sleep. Nothing more. We’re here for you, Leo.”

“I don’t know if this is appropriate,” Leo argued. 

Lifting an eye ridge, Donny asked, “Why?”

“I’m your leader,” Leo replied. 

“You’re our brother first,” Mikey pointed out. “And, as your brothers, you’re allowed to open up to us. You’re allowed to be vulnerable.”

“Allowing us to care for you now, will not change our ability to follow you later,” Donny stated. 

“Alright,” Leo agreed and the rest of the walls came down. “To be honest, I would appreciate the company.”

They positioned themselves so that Leo was in the middle. Once again Leo thought about how Mikey tended to move in his sleep and began to wonder if he had made the right decision. 

“He was only restless because he was sleeping alone,” Donny whispered as if he could read Leo’s thoughts. “He’s slept peacefully since I’ve started sleeping next to him. Remember how still he used to be when we were kids, huddled together on a pile of tattered blankets?”

“I missed those days,” Mikey wistfully mumbled. 

“He’s also quick to fall asleep,” Donny chuckled. “I find myself sleeping better too. I actually look forward to it now. This relationship is good for us both. Even Splinter has noticed our improvements.”

“I’m happy for you,” Leo said in earnest. Sleep usually didn’t come easy for him but as soon as he settled into a comfortable position, he was out.